space = the 1 month of freeedom i have until next semester starts again. space to spend some quality time with God, fam, people, and of course, music.
certain artists and songs are like the musical bible ... no matter how many times i sing/listen/play it.. there's something new to pick up on each time. prettyyyy crazy how i don't get sick of it but appreciate it more each time
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
maybe education isn't a total waste after all,
as i sit here having my own little spiritual warfare of doubts.... asking myself .."why am i doing a 5th year when i had the choice to graduate this past april?" ..obvious answer, "so i can get into grad school and have a legit full time job in the future"... i doubt myself for the second time again asking "why did i enrol in a music studies course where i have to write papers.. when i don't have to take any more difficult/required courses?!?!" ..answer "because i love gospel music?"
taking a course called "the history of gospel music" right now and i chose to write a paper on a man named Thomas Andrew Dorsey, many refer to him as "The father" of gospel music....
these are the words he expressed when he lost his wife to giving birth to his first child... who also died the day after she did.
"We never really miss anyone until they are gone for good. I missed Nettie on every turn of the way. When I came in after a hard day, there was no one to greet me at the door. When I sat to the table to eat, there was no smiling face across the table and I had to eat alone. When I retired for the night, there was no goodnight kiss. I became so lonely I did not feel that I could go on alone. I needed help; my friends and relations had done all they could for me. I was failing and did not see how I could live"
i can't believe this man experienced one of my greatest fears... to loose a loved one and dealing with the aftermath. knowing you can't do anything about it.
realized how fortunate i am to even have the choice and opportunity to continue to go to school...and how blessed i am that the people i love the most are here with me right now,
taking a course called "the history of gospel music" right now and i chose to write a paper on a man named Thomas Andrew Dorsey, many refer to him as "The father" of gospel music....
these are the words he expressed when he lost his wife to giving birth to his first child... who also died the day after she did.
"We never really miss anyone until they are gone for good. I missed Nettie on every turn of the way. When I came in after a hard day, there was no one to greet me at the door. When I sat to the table to eat, there was no smiling face across the table and I had to eat alone. When I retired for the night, there was no goodnight kiss. I became so lonely I did not feel that I could go on alone. I needed help; my friends and relations had done all they could for me. I was failing and did not see how I could live"
i can't believe this man experienced one of my greatest fears... to loose a loved one and dealing with the aftermath. knowing you can't do anything about it.
realized how fortunate i am to even have the choice and opportunity to continue to go to school...and how blessed i am that the people i love the most are here with me right now,
Sunday, October 9, 2011
if tears could speak,
there's something really powerful about watching your brothers and sisters getting baptized and being an observer of them declaring to their community and loved ones that they have chosen to follow Christ. although i've already been baptized when i was 13 and wasn't one of the individuals getting dunked in that tub of water today.. i feel a renewal in my Spirit.
Stirred. and confused internally. but honoured and so thankful i got to praise God on that stage today.
Stirred. and confused internally. but honoured and so thankful i got to praise God on that stage today.
Monday, August 8, 2011
what happens after the storm,
"For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation. We will never regret that kind of sorrow. But sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death". - 2 Corinthians 7:10
Just a verse that really stood out to me during my bible readings. It's very difficult to turn my eyes away from what I have been forced out of. I'm not exactly sure for what purpose God is allowing me to cross paths with certain people again. I feel great amount of gratitude and am humbled that I have the opportunity to talk to them again.. and that we have peace towards each other. But the tremendous amount of sorrow I felt two years ago is what has helped me drive away from sin and broke me down to desperation...and gave me the desire to seek salvation in God.
yes , sometimes i do anticipate. but i'm glad that we haven't. i really wish you were the person i hoped that you would be by now.... God definitely knew what He was doing when He took you away from me,
Just a verse that really stood out to me during my bible readings. It's very difficult to turn my eyes away from what I have been forced out of. I'm not exactly sure for what purpose God is allowing me to cross paths with certain people again. I feel great amount of gratitude and am humbled that I have the opportunity to talk to them again.. and that we have peace towards each other. But the tremendous amount of sorrow I felt two years ago is what has helped me drive away from sin and broke me down to desperation...and gave me the desire to seek salvation in God.
yes , sometimes i do anticipate. but i'm glad that we haven't. i really wish you were the person i hoped that you would be by now.... God definitely knew what He was doing when He took you away from me,
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
jollyheart*
feeling really inspired by the Holy Spirit today. God is genuinely blessing our small group to new proximity, intimacy, trust, an direction. I am so blessed to be at this church and to have been given the opportunity to know these girls and share with them my testimony and struggles.
extremely thankful for also being able to recognize just how blessed i am for my relationships with my family, admist of the brokeness. so thankful for my friends who support me in ways words cannot express, admist all the many reconciliating, forgiving, and peave making that still needs to be done with people from my past.
thank you God for providing my daily needs. giving me a gift and a passion. . . . . . and even for my sins , becuase without them i would never turn to you or even know you. thank you for finding me and drawing me close to you,
Amen!
extremely thankful for also being able to recognize just how blessed i am for my relationships with my family, admist of the brokeness. so thankful for my friends who support me in ways words cannot express, admist all the many reconciliating, forgiving, and peave making that still needs to be done with people from my past.
thank you God for providing my daily needs. giving me a gift and a passion. . . . . . and even for my sins , becuase without them i would never turn to you or even know you. thank you for finding me and drawing me close to you,
Amen!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
goodbye and well, hello there?
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" - Psalms 139: 23-24
Saturday, June 11, 2011
blank.
____ is not my life. nor is it my career. and definitely not my pass time. it is something in which i believe He has chosen for me. a gateway for passion, to release, to express, to outreach, to engage, to save.
my ____ is a gift in which He gave me. i can utilize it, put it on top of a stand for the light to shine, or put it under a basket and hide it's quality.
God's giving me a stirring inside to take this and run with it. but.... i'm not a very good runner for two reasons. 1. i'm lazy 2. i'm scared of failing.
realizing how short life is every single day... on the contrary, we don't even know when our times up...so how can we realistically measure how fast or slow we are even going ?! trying to figure how to fuel and ignite something when there is no oil.
verse of the day:
Matthew 5:22-25 "if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment... go and be reconciled with that person.......come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late and you are dragged into court".
my ____ is a gift in which He gave me. i can utilize it, put it on top of a stand for the light to shine, or put it under a basket and hide it's quality.
God's giving me a stirring inside to take this and run with it. but.... i'm not a very good runner for two reasons. 1. i'm lazy 2. i'm scared of failing.
realizing how short life is every single day... on the contrary, we don't even know when our times up...so how can we realistically measure how fast or slow we are even going ?! trying to figure how to fuel and ignite something when there is no oil.
verse of the day:
Matthew 5:22-25 "if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment... go and be reconciled with that person.......come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late and you are dragged into court".
Monday, May 30, 2011
another2am.
*new playlist =D=D.......=S does anyone care? hahaha i don't even know who comes to my page anymore because i no longer blog on a regular basis. maybe this post will break the pattern of silence that i have been carrying through for the past few months.
D'angelo. omg D'angelo. i sort of........ didn't want to post his song up on that play list, because i want to hog his music all to myself. obsess over it and master it. and make his sound mine. jk.no ..but. seriously. he is masterful with the gnere of r&b. he inspires me oh em gee yes he does. i don't really have a concrete list of my top fav 10 singers... but i think he would be pretty darn close to top 5...
when people ask me "so what type of genre do you sing?" "who do you listen to?" or "who are your favourite artists?" .. i would give them the "so and so" answer and they would typically say "ooooh you like r&b , r&b... like old school r&b". WAKE UP FOLKS it's not old school that IS r&b what you here nowadyas ..neyo rihanna keri hilson chris brown etcetc are not r&b...that is POP. just becuase they are of african american descent does NOT make them r&b.
im not sure where im going with this post................ i got caught up with r&b trying to pick those four songs for this silly playlist and it destracted me.. when i really got a stirring up inside to write about this:
i've had major issues with relationships all my life.. whether it's family, friends, or significant other...and 'acquaintance' is an issue of a whole other spectrum (maybe ill write about some other time) because i am so extremely professional at tuning people out/ignoring their presence because it's so much more easier to not make the effort ...
i've always battled and battled... why do i have so many conflicts inmy relationships.... how can i stop the tension, the drama, and the unecessary stress! is it me ..is it them....is it us...? up till two years ago i would have probably said, simple..cut them out. but God of course has briliantly showed me time and time again and has shed His light towards this matter. the truth is, there is always a way to avoid conflict, always a way out to hurting people...and when i felt like i didn't want to intentionally hurt others but still was... it's probably because i didn't try or want it enough to resolve it... my heart was clearly desiring the hate/grudge/pride/jealousy over peace. now it's funny because relationships in my life have really blossomed into peaceful ones these past two years. God has shown me impossible things happen between me and my particular relationships in an incredible positive change. lately i've been really asking God to give me peaceful relationships...not because i have conflicts... but so that i can maintain this peace ..because so often emotions can hinder you back to old habits. i think tonight He's been teaching me to have a genuine heart. to genuinely and honestly desire peace.
D'angelo. omg D'angelo. i sort of........ didn't want to post his song up on that play list, because i want to hog his music all to myself. obsess over it and master it. and make his sound mine. jk.no ..but. seriously. he is masterful with the gnere of r&b. he inspires me oh em gee yes he does. i don't really have a concrete list of my top fav 10 singers... but i think he would be pretty darn close to top 5...
when people ask me "so what type of genre do you sing?" "who do you listen to?" or "who are your favourite artists?" .. i would give them the "so and so" answer and they would typically say "ooooh you like r&b , r&b... like old school r&b". WAKE UP FOLKS it's not old school that IS r&b what you here nowadyas ..neyo rihanna keri hilson chris brown etcetc are not r&b...that is POP. just becuase they are of african american descent does NOT make them r&b.
im not sure where im going with this post................ i got caught up with r&b trying to pick those four songs for this silly playlist and it destracted me.. when i really got a stirring up inside to write about this:
i've had major issues with relationships all my life.. whether it's family, friends, or significant other...and 'acquaintance' is an issue of a whole other spectrum (maybe ill write about some other time) because i am so extremely professional at tuning people out/ignoring their presence because it's so much more easier to not make the effort ...
i've always battled and battled... why do i have so many conflicts inmy relationships.... how can i stop the tension, the drama, and the unecessary stress! is it me ..is it them....is it us...? up till two years ago i would have probably said, simple..cut them out. but God of course has briliantly showed me time and time again and has shed His light towards this matter. the truth is, there is always a way to avoid conflict, always a way out to hurting people...and when i felt like i didn't want to intentionally hurt others but still was... it's probably because i didn't try or want it enough to resolve it... my heart was clearly desiring the hate/grudge/pride/jealousy over peace. now it's funny because relationships in my life have really blossomed into peaceful ones these past two years. God has shown me impossible things happen between me and my particular relationships in an incredible positive change. lately i've been really asking God to give me peaceful relationships...not because i have conflicts... but so that i can maintain this peace ..because so often emotions can hinder you back to old habits. i think tonight He's been teaching me to have a genuine heart. to genuinely and honestly desire peace.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
2am philosophical convos
chatting with three of my close buddies ,
these things in which i claim to be 'walls' aren't really barriers but are almost like a thin sheet of paper... imaginative objects that i have created for myself. we all have internal struggles and when we sit back and think about it ..it crosses your mind 'wow it might be just attainable'. yet im not pushing my boundaries and sitting back in my little comfort zone...why? hesitations, doubts, and lack of trust and faith in God? maybe, probably. but then i think to my self..so what if i do attain and do break these walls ...where will that take me? the satisfaction of knowing 'yay i did it' and making my daily life easier? boggledmind.
these things in which i claim to be 'walls' aren't really barriers but are almost like a thin sheet of paper... imaginative objects that i have created for myself. we all have internal struggles and when we sit back and think about it ..it crosses your mind 'wow it might be just attainable'. yet im not pushing my boundaries and sitting back in my little comfort zone...why? hesitations, doubts, and lack of trust and faith in God? maybe, probably. but then i think to my self..so what if i do attain and do break these walls ...where will that take me? the satisfaction of knowing 'yay i did it' and making my daily life easier? boggledmind.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
planet hoth/early spring cleaning
isn't it so hard to get up in the morning when you know you have to be somewhere at a certain time... and then the minute you find out you don't have to be there anymore.. you actually WANT to get up. story of my life. i know it's 'snow day' but i swear i've seen worse days this year -_-... oh whateverrrr not going to complain.
isn't it also weird that people tend to get their asses up and clean their house when they know someone is coming over? soo.. my uncle and his family are coming to toronto from korea for 3-4 days this weekend .... which means my parents have become drill sargeants nagging me and my brother to clean, clean and clean. it feels really good to throw away stuff. one of the simple things i enjoy in life lol. while rummaging through my stuff i recollected a lot of my past. good to be reminded of where you came from, who you've encountered, and what you've experienced .
this clean up will make my move in march a lot easier. can not wait to move!
finished reading both Colossians and Hosea today. i started Hosea with my sg and we didn't end up finishing it..and i hate leaving things half finished. lets just say......... Old Testament is a little harder to get through and read -_-.
rambled a lot of random things.
this is what snow day does to you :P
isn't it also weird that people tend to get their asses up and clean their house when they know someone is coming over? soo.. my uncle and his family are coming to toronto from korea for 3-4 days this weekend .... which means my parents have become drill sargeants nagging me and my brother to clean, clean and clean. it feels really good to throw away stuff. one of the simple things i enjoy in life lol. while rummaging through my stuff i recollected a lot of my past. good to be reminded of where you came from, who you've encountered, and what you've experienced .
this clean up will make my move in march a lot easier. can not wait to move!
finished reading both Colossians and Hosea today. i started Hosea with my sg and we didn't end up finishing it..and i hate leaving things half finished. lets just say......... Old Testament is a little harder to get through and read -_-.
rambled a lot of random things.
this is what snow day does to you :P
Friday, January 28, 2011
Ephesians 6: 13-18
Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
wereapwhatwesow
"Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the rght path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody.......Don't be misled. Remember that you can't ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow!" - Galatians 6: 1-10
Had lunch with one of my best friends yesterday and he asked me, "Are you sure you want to get into this field? listening to people's problems all day might drain you out... i don't know if I can emotionally handle the things you might witness and go through".
made me think...what am I really getting myself into?
I know that if I really end up getting a job within this field I'll be working with:
- people who have been abadoned by their families
- autistic kids and their parents
- alcoholics and drug addicts
- government funded communities
- people with mental and behavioural issues
- people with depression
-schizophrenics
.... that's just a start. It's a little frightening I'm not gonna lie. But I think God really shed truth into my heart telling me that... IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. It's not about me being okay. It's not about if I can handle it or not. etc. etc. etc. It's about his calling and me allowing Him to use me to reach out to those who desperately need Him. I can't imagine what will be revealed to me ...if I get the chance to get into this program. time is tickin' and i'm starting to get anxious -_-!!!! Lorddddd teach me patience -_-.
playlist- Ra.d .. I like his creative remix of "I could sing of Your love forever". One of the fewww talented korean artists out there. Dude really knows how to play around with rhythm... incorporates a little bit of European sound.. and also a sprinkle of jazz :)
Had lunch with one of my best friends yesterday and he asked me, "Are you sure you want to get into this field? listening to people's problems all day might drain you out... i don't know if I can emotionally handle the things you might witness and go through".
made me think...what am I really getting myself into?
I know that if I really end up getting a job within this field I'll be working with:
- people who have been abadoned by their families
- autistic kids and their parents
- alcoholics and drug addicts
- government funded communities
- people with mental and behavioural issues
- people with depression
-schizophrenics
.... that's just a start. It's a little frightening I'm not gonna lie. But I think God really shed truth into my heart telling me that... IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. It's not about me being okay. It's not about if I can handle it or not. etc. etc. etc. It's about his calling and me allowing Him to use me to reach out to those who desperately need Him. I can't imagine what will be revealed to me ...if I get the chance to get into this program. time is tickin' and i'm starting to get anxious -_-!!!! Lorddddd teach me patience -_-.
playlist- Ra.d .. I like his creative remix of "I could sing of Your love forever". One of the fewww talented korean artists out there. Dude really knows how to play around with rhythm... incorporates a little bit of European sound.. and also a sprinkle of jazz :)
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