Monday, May 30, 2011


*new playlist =D=D.......=S does anyone care? hahaha i don't even know who comes to my page anymore because i no longer blog on a regular basis. maybe this post will break the pattern of silence that i have been carrying through for the past few months.

D'angelo. omg D'angelo. i sort of........ didn't want to post his song up on that play list, because i want to hog his music all to myself. obsess over it and master it. and make his sound mine. ..but. seriously. he is masterful with the gnere of r&b. he inspires me oh em gee yes he does. i don't really have a concrete list of my top fav 10 singers... but i think he would be pretty darn close to top 5...

when people ask me "so what type of genre do you sing?" "who do you listen to?" or "who are your favourite artists?" .. i would give them the "so and so" answer and they would typically say "ooooh you like r&b , r&b... like old school r&b". WAKE UP FOLKS it's not old school that IS r&b what you here nowadyas ..neyo rihanna keri hilson chris brown etcetc are not r&b...that is POP. just becuase they are of african american descent does NOT make them r&b.

im not sure where im going with this post................ i got caught up with r&b trying to pick those four songs for this silly playlist and it destracted me.. when i really got a stirring up inside to write about this:

i've had major issues with relationships all my life.. whether it's family, friends, or significant other...and 'acquaintance' is an issue of a whole other spectrum (maybe ill write about some other time) because i am so extremely professional at tuning people out/ignoring their presence because it's so much more easier to not make the effort ...

i've always battled and battled... why do i have so many conflicts inmy relationships.... how can i stop the tension, the drama, and the unecessary stress! is it me it it us...? up till two years ago i would have probably said, simple..cut them out. but God of course has briliantly showed me time and time again and has shed His light towards this matter. the truth is, there is always a way to avoid conflict, always a way out to hurting people...and when i felt like i didn't want to intentionally hurt others but still was... it's probably because i didn't try or want it enough to resolve it... my heart was clearly desiring the hate/grudge/pride/jealousy over peace. now it's funny because relationships in my life have really blossomed into peaceful ones these past two years. God has shown me impossible things happen between me and my particular relationships in an incredible positive change. lately i've been really asking God to give me peaceful relationships...not because i have conflicts... but so that i can maintain this peace ..because so often emotions can hinder you back to old habits. i think tonight He's been teaching me to have a genuine heart. to genuinely and honestly desire peace.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

2am philosophical convos

chatting with three of my close buddies ,
these things in which i claim to be 'walls' aren't really barriers but are almost like a thin sheet of paper... imaginative objects that i have created for myself. we all have internal struggles and when we sit back and think about it crosses your mind 'wow it might be just attainable'. yet im not pushing my boundaries and sitting back in my little comfort zone...why? hesitations, doubts, and lack of trust and faith in God? maybe, probably. but then i think to my what if i do attain and do break these walls ...where will that take me? the satisfaction of knowing 'yay i did it' and making my daily life easier? boggledmind.