bliss.

do you know where your heart is
do you think you can find it
or did you trade it for something
somewhere better just to have it
do you know where your love is
do you think that you lost it
you felt it so strong, but
nothing's turned out how you wanted
- OneRepublic : Say (All i need)

i was listening to this song on Phil's CD on our way to the cottage ..and he didn't know the title of the song so i started to write part of the lyrics on my cell phone and saved it as a draft. came home. googled it. dowloaded it. wow i am such a nerd and obsessed with good songs when i hear one.
i think i finally realize where my heart and my love is. actually i'm pretty sure i knew all along exactly where it was, i'm just not afraid to admit it now. i was taking some time last night to ...for once in my life not pray about me and my life and my future.. but just sit my ass down and focus on each member of my immediate family..my mom, dad, and my brother. how is it that my life would drastically change in a split second.. if i were to loose any of the 3 but i'm not doing anything about the fact that none of them know Christ. i feel like i really need to pray for my family more. that prayer led me trying to pray for all the people around me. that eventually led me to praying for you. it was the most liberating feeling to pray for someone who i know for a fact that hates me to death right now..but i felt complete genuine love for that person.
so much of my heart and love is still with you.
but i didn't pray hoping for a miracle so that one day just maybe we'll get another chance.
i prayed in hopes that maybe one day you will know the God that i know and he will change you and your life the way He has changed mine.


* playlist dedicated to songs that i listened to during this weekend (from wayne's amazing ipod list) ..that i totally forgot about..and once again redownloaded once i got home =)

sci-fi.

something about creatures with extrodinary abilities with fangs that drink human blood really interests me..clearly.... because i've been watching vampire diraries ALL DAY LONG.. finished ep 1-7 which is... almost half of the total season episodes. hahaha plus i've read the 3rd and currently finishing up the 4th twilight book Breaking Dawn (pretty psyched for the movie coming out soon too....). i remember i've always enjoyed vampire entertainment even when i was younger... like, The Interview with the vampire, Buffy the vampire slayer, Queen of the Damned, and even the Underworld movies. Someone needs to save me from this guilty pleasure. To avoid feeling like a total sloth inbetween my precious episodes of vampire diaries.. i cleaned the washrooms, dishes, and laundry today. i guess being sick for 2 weeks and having to be stuck at home most of the time makes you do these things!

it's been a summer where i honestly feel like ..i've got all the time in the world ..with no job or summer school... until i read my Grad School requirements and it said during the audition process i must "do a performance of a song (either composed or arranged by them)". i gotta double check tomorrow with a friend who has already graduated from this program but.. i hope this composition can be a song outside of classical sound... because classical singers don't compose music o.0...we sing the millions of 16th-20th century repetoire that is written for us hahahaha. but writing and composing a song should be fun.. and a huge challenge..but maybe this will be a first of many!

playlist: dedicated to musiq soulchild because he is beyond words amazing.

" Good and evil both increase at a compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. And apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible" - C.S. Lewis

..
oh man C.S. Lewis is one heckkkk of a writer,
those lines really stood out to me today while i was reading his book.
had to make an entry on it.
can't agree more with what he's written.. and a great reminder to how much our everylittle action matters.