home early from a hotel jam ..and it feels good !
listening to some great rnb/jazz classics,
some luther vandross, aretha franklin, and etta james....
definitly some of my fav classics!
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i watched THE worst movie of all time today.... WOLFMAN
don't everrrrrrrr watch this film...it's like 1980s ghetto plus zero speical effects movie with the cheesiest storyline and even cornier dialogues... just horrid!
but i watched this movie with a free coupon i had so whateverrr lol

mm so the main reason why i'm updating this blog is because i learned something today during our sharing time before praise practice ...one of our praise team members shared a story that really showed the true essence of God's grace. It's weird becuase i know that the idea of 'karma' roots from Buddhism but when i observe ppl receiving stuff they don't deserve/deserve i've always had that mind set of 'what goes around comes around'. ..
realized today that isn't how things actually work. When we receive something we know we don't deserve it is from the grace of God..
this just really humbled me down thinking that so much of the things i have are from His grace.. but a lot of the times i think that i worked hard for it or it's my parents etc.

adrenaline

house music is definitely an adrenaline of mine. without poppin thanks! lol. i find most ppl love it or hate it. anyways, this type of music is perfect when hitting the gym! really gets me going on that stupid tredmill. so after many nights of 'i'll start tomorrow' and 'only tonight' excuses.. i'm publically announcing that i have a goal to loose 10 lbs by April-May.
No Fast Food
No Junk Food
No Pop/Juice
Nothing Fried
No Meals past 8
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i guess i'll start with fixing my eating habits for now. today was a close success except i gobbled down some inappropriate stuff around 930pm.

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- so i was reading The Message by Eugene H. Peterson last night and basically this book is a reworded version of the bible. i got this book as a xmas gift from a special someone and i'm so grateful because Peterson reworded Psalm 4:4-5 beautifully! :

"Keep your mouth shut, and let your heart do the talking"
:)

Presence of God!

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wow. I'd just like to say what a privillege it was going to the Onnuri Worship Team Retreat last night. I know the day started out in a challenging way for the most of us because the Green Room was 8 hours straight of multiple different sermons. Mind you the average human only has 20 min attention span! hahaha i think i got most out of the first and last sermon by Dewitt Jones and Efrem Smith. Both speakers emphasized this idea of passion...and how we must have it burning in our hearts towards our crafts and talents and of course directed to God everyday of ourlives.

We got to Daehan retreat around 7pm and got home around close to 3pm today . That's not even full 24 hours ...especially including sleep! But it was truly incredible what God did to us last night in such a short matter of time. I really can't explain what went down last night in words. All i can say is that i'm so humbled and thankful of how God gathered each and every one of our worship team members and gathered us together last night. I'm so lucky to have been put in this church and to experience all this... God's prescence was definitly undeniable!

shoutouts to a couple of ppl that really touched my heart last night:
darrick: i pray that you overcome all your struggles and i told you this last night for words of encouragment but really i believe that God is stirring up your heart only to bring you clsoer to him
jaisy: you are such a great role model in my life. your passion towards Christ and music amazes me day by day. thank you for always showing your unconditional love towards me
john whang: man...4 yrs since i've known you. we've gone through alot together hanging out in the same crowd..and i would have never imagined back in our everyweekend drinking sessions that we would experience what we did last night together! love you bro!
..and for the rest of you guys seriously... i've JUST joined the worship team and everyone made me feel a part of this family. getting to know some of you for the first time.. just hanging out ..talking.. was so greattt!
I feel really blessed.

YAY success! please give a well round of applause to Julie Lee who did NOT go to red party!
after many comtemplations due to thse multiple texts and calls,
"jutt got a ticket for you!"
"why!???? come'
'we have an extra vip ticket for u if u can make it let me know'
etc.....

i studied with some awesome buddies instead at second cup! But really i appreciate the love and wanting my presence there with you guys... seriously this just seemed like the one event EVERYONE i knew was going to.

However i'm greatly disappointed to announce that i am still a vampire. i stayed up till 8am yesterday... passed out...woke up around 4pm. Luckily today i have to wake up at 8am anyway to be at church by 9am.... soooo all nighter attempt number #2!

It 's exactly 15 min 'til 6am and yes ...i have decided to pull my long awaited all nighter because i need to fix my utterly retarded sleeping pattern. i need to break this spell of being a vampire!!! What's keeping me determined to stay up this morning is the result of gobbling down chicken breast with kimchi (although quite healthy...) that my mom made around 8 hours ago (9pm) ..yeah there's no way i'm going right to sleep after that one hahaha!


there's a lot of things i want to blab about in my blog right now because at this very moment i feel WIDE AWAKE. But tonight i struggled with temptation so I'll blog about that ... >=O
if you've known me for the past 3 yrs or so you might have been aware that i was a heavy clubaholic. thurs fri sat and the occasional sun night events every week!! oh boy. i have escaped this addiction thankfully due to the circumstances that came along since.. september i believe! Tonight was a true moment of relapse, or potential of it haha. i told people i wouldn't go to a specific event tomorrow because i knew certain ppl were attending..and i'm not ready to face what i've left a mess just yet. that alone should have kept me stern not to go. but it did not. something so small and insignificant made me want to goooo soooo bad and i asked myself, 'why am i letting these ppl control what i want to do and where i want to hang out'
then a good friend of mine who most ppl like to refer to him as g-string said to me,
"hey i had a lot of respct for you when you were so sure that you weren't going, now you're just rationalizing because you want to go"
..........he's right. it's not about ppl holding me back on what i want to do. i don't think God would want me to face my broken relationships in a chaotic drinking environment... where i tend to act the most and say the most blunt things at a drunken state (so if you ever think i'm hiding something from you, just get me drunk AHAHA). plus .. this is the exact environment where the drama was made possible and all began. Old habits are hard to break! but i'm breaking one tonight. I will give up my foolish desires and be happy about it.

"The christian religion is in the long run, a thing of unspeakable comfort. But it does not begin with comfort"

ps - i dont feel comfortable not clubbing =P. lol. doodoodoo.. yea this blog entry isn't insightful enough to relate it to God....or so i thought..... anything is relatable to God right?!

This week's playlist is dedicated to John Mayer because his concert was fucking amazing. Oh yea... i'm back to swearing 'fuck' instead of 'eff' because i don't understand theidea of sayin 'eff' instead of 'fuck' when you really mean FUCK anyway...
ANYWAYS
i don't understand how one being can be so amazing at singing, songwriting, composing, and a sickkkkkkkk ass guitarist......................
life is not fair.
those songs on my playlist are some of my favourite songs from all of his albums. i hope you enjoy.

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relationships are very fragile.
what you say
waht you don't say
what you do and not do.

woke up this morning to the voices of my parents yelling at each other.
the last time i heard them fight like that was 7 yrs ago. wtf.. grade 9 was 7 yrs ago?!
wow times flies.
it was definitly not a surprise that they were arguing aobut the exact same thing as the last time.
a marriage that is not God centered is supremely chaotic.
yes. God forgives our mistakes if we repent. but the consequences of a mistake/sin lasts a life time. things don't vanish outof our faces just because we are forgiven.
i witness the result of consequences that my parents are havign to deal with 20+ yrs of their marriage.
what really scares me is that they are not believers of Christ.

new week, new play list =)
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dang everyone needs to go check out that Live clip of Hillsong ...or is it Hillsong United?? singing - With Everything ..search it on youtube !!! man that song gets to me everytime... i get chills from that song whether i'm on my way to school, on the bus, or just in my room listening to it. This past sunday Young talked to our English Ministry about obsession. Being obsessed with God. This song completely embodies that sermon.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

There's so much that i want to accomplish in life. Get into grad school. Get a stable job...so that my parents can friggin retire and my dad can stop working 12 hrs 7 days per week. Lead my family to Christ...so that they can be Saved. Get married so that i can experience the moment of holding my dad's hand and walking down an aisle. Have children so that my parent's can experience holding their grandchildren in their arms.
Family is everything...and i tend to judge people a lot by the way people treat their own.... it says so much about the state of one's heart and their character. I believe the greatest love begins with God. But the next link is your family ..not you friends..your family. Doesn't matter how much you may value your friends. If your a totally different person behind the closed doors of your home..and you treat your family different than you to do your firends..your a phony. straight up. After you've learned to love your family unconditionally then should come friends. trust me. it took 21 years for me to realize that. I guess better late than never.
What i often tend to forget is that all these goals and expectations we have for ourselves don't matter. If our focus and single purpose is directed towards God everything else will just fall into place... i understand this. i want to believe it. i want to be obsessed. but i'm not quite there yet.

Q: are you anywhere near being obsessed with God?

YES i figured out how to put music on this stupid blog. harhar~ i'll only be putting up the best OF the best on my playlist
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music is definitley my first love. before any boy.
as a singer myself i'm so drawn to artist's with distinctive voices.
the four that i added to my playlist up there are no exceptions.
each voice is so raw..you just can't imitate or even practice to have voices like them..you'll just sound stupid. the colour of ones voice is no doubt a gift.
ever since singing became a school thing. my passion burnt out.
my level of talent outside of classical singing is nowhere compared to where it was before.
i only have myself to blame.
sure, i miss the good ol' days when i could bust out any song and ppl would be like woaaah.
but i'm sure God has a purpose for taking away what was given from Him inthe first place.
i'm hoping joining the worship team will help me get back to where i used to be aka a confident singer.


Mark 8:34-37
"you must put aside your selfish amibition, shoulder your cross and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will loose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of good news, you will find true life"

Q of the day:
Am i doing this for Him or me?

i've failed to add a Mixpod on my blog page. why am i sooo insufficient with webpage stuff >=(...
finally started writting in this blog that i created 3 months ago to keep my self accountable on:
a) my spiritual life
b) my goal to lose weight

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Back in August right before joyful and onnuri merged i made a visit to my old home church Full Gospel Mission Church. During prayer time I'll never forget the moment Paul's dad prayed for me and said out loud,

'there's a new wave coming into your life'

I didn't tell Pastor Youn anything about what was going on in my life. In fact I didn't even speak a single word while he was praying for me. That amazed me. God amazed me. Prayer for me ..i mean like really genuine prayer from my gut down to my soul is always associated with desperation. That desperate moment was the only time I've ever walked out of my house and took and hour bus ride to a church... asked someone to pray for me ..and cried in front of someone without being pissed drunk. God always finds me during my time of struggle. Couple of weeks ago i was so frustrated with a situation that i seriously wanted to stab someone with the knivessssss in my kitchen!!!!! lol.... but then someone reminded me and said,

"tribulations can not seize until God sees a man completely changed"
That quote changed my whole perspective on the situation. Seriously i need to stop bitching about my tiny microscopic problems and being so self-oriented 24/7.
Question for everyone:
what are our struggles or problems anyway if going through them means to get closer to God?