as i sit here having my own little spiritual warfare of doubts.... asking myself .."why am i doing a 5th year when i had the choice to graduate this past april?" ..obvious answer, "so i can get into grad school and have a legit full time job in the future"... i doubt myself for the second time again asking "why did i enrol in a music studies course where i have to write papers.. when i don't have to take any more difficult/required courses?!?!" ..answer "because i love gospel music?"
taking a course called "the history of gospel music" right now and i chose to write a paper on a man named Thomas Andrew Dorsey, many refer to him as "The father" of gospel music....
these are the words he expressed when he lost his wife to giving birth to his first child... who also died the day after she did.
"We never really miss anyone until they are gone for good. I missed Nettie on every turn of the way. When I came in after a hard day, there was no one to greet me at the door. When I sat to the table to eat, there was no smiling face across the table and I had to eat alone. When I retired for the night, there was no goodnight kiss. I became so lonely I did not feel that I could go on alone. I needed help; my friends and relations had done all they could for me. I was failing and did not see how I could live"
i can't believe this man experienced one of my greatest fears... to loose a loved one and dealing with the aftermath. knowing you can't do anything about it.
realized how fortunate i am to even have the choice and opportunity to continue to go to school...and how blessed i am that the people i love the most are here with me right now,