It 's exactly 15 min 'til 6am and yes ...i have decided to pull my long awaited all nighter because i need to fix my utterly retarded sleeping pattern. i need to break this spell of being a vampire!!! What's keeping me determined to stay up this morning is the result of gobbling down chicken breast with kimchi (although quite healthy...) that my mom made around 8 hours ago (9pm) ..yeah there's no way i'm going right to sleep after that one hahaha!


there's a lot of things i want to blab about in my blog right now because at this very moment i feel WIDE AWAKE. But tonight i struggled with temptation so I'll blog about that ... >=O
if you've known me for the past 3 yrs or so you might have been aware that i was a heavy clubaholic. thurs fri sat and the occasional sun night events every week!! oh boy. i have escaped this addiction thankfully due to the circumstances that came along since.. september i believe! Tonight was a true moment of relapse, or potential of it haha. i told people i wouldn't go to a specific event tomorrow because i knew certain ppl were attending..and i'm not ready to face what i've left a mess just yet. that alone should have kept me stern not to go. but it did not. something so small and insignificant made me want to goooo soooo bad and i asked myself, 'why am i letting these ppl control what i want to do and where i want to hang out'
then a good friend of mine who most ppl like to refer to him as g-string said to me,
"hey i had a lot of respct for you when you were so sure that you weren't going, now you're just rationalizing because you want to go"
..........he's right. it's not about ppl holding me back on what i want to do. i don't think God would want me to face my broken relationships in a chaotic drinking environment... where i tend to act the most and say the most blunt things at a drunken state (so if you ever think i'm hiding something from you, just get me drunk AHAHA). plus .. this is the exact environment where the drama was made possible and all began. Old habits are hard to break! but i'm breaking one tonight. I will give up my foolish desires and be happy about it.

"The christian religion is in the long run, a thing of unspeakable comfort. But it does not begin with comfort"

ps - i dont feel comfortable not clubbing =P. lol. doodoodoo.. yea this blog entry isn't insightful enough to relate it to God....or so i thought..... anything is relatable to God right?!