bliss.

do you know where your heart is
do you think you can find it
or did you trade it for something
somewhere better just to have it
do you know where your love is
do you think that you lost it
you felt it so strong, but
nothing's turned out how you wanted
- OneRepublic : Say (All i need)

i was listening to this song on Phil's CD on our way to the cottage ..and he didn't know the title of the song so i started to write part of the lyrics on my cell phone and saved it as a draft. came home. googled it. dowloaded it. wow i am such a nerd and obsessed with good songs when i hear one.
i think i finally realize where my heart and my love is. actually i'm pretty sure i knew all along exactly where it was, i'm just not afraid to admit it now. i was taking some time last night to ...for once in my life not pray about me and my life and my future.. but just sit my ass down and focus on each member of my immediate family..my mom, dad, and my brother. how is it that my life would drastically change in a split second.. if i were to loose any of the 3 but i'm not doing anything about the fact that none of them know Christ. i feel like i really need to pray for my family more. that prayer led me trying to pray for all the people around me. that eventually led me to praying for you. it was the most liberating feeling to pray for someone who i know for a fact that hates me to death right now..but i felt complete genuine love for that person.
so much of my heart and love is still with you.
but i didn't pray hoping for a miracle so that one day just maybe we'll get another chance.
i prayed in hopes that maybe one day you will know the God that i know and he will change you and your life the way He has changed mine.


* playlist dedicated to songs that i listened to during this weekend (from wayne's amazing ipod list) ..that i totally forgot about..and once again redownloaded once i got home =)

sci-fi.

something about creatures with extrodinary abilities with fangs that drink human blood really interests me..clearly.... because i've been watching vampire diraries ALL DAY LONG.. finished ep 1-7 which is... almost half of the total season episodes. hahaha plus i've read the 3rd and currently finishing up the 4th twilight book Breaking Dawn (pretty psyched for the movie coming out soon too....). i remember i've always enjoyed vampire entertainment even when i was younger... like, The Interview with the vampire, Buffy the vampire slayer, Queen of the Damned, and even the Underworld movies. Someone needs to save me from this guilty pleasure. To avoid feeling like a total sloth inbetween my precious episodes of vampire diaries.. i cleaned the washrooms, dishes, and laundry today. i guess being sick for 2 weeks and having to be stuck at home most of the time makes you do these things!

it's been a summer where i honestly feel like ..i've got all the time in the world ..with no job or summer school... until i read my Grad School requirements and it said during the audition process i must "do a performance of a song (either composed or arranged by them)". i gotta double check tomorrow with a friend who has already graduated from this program but.. i hope this composition can be a song outside of classical sound... because classical singers don't compose music o.0...we sing the millions of 16th-20th century repetoire that is written for us hahahaha. but writing and composing a song should be fun.. and a huge challenge..but maybe this will be a first of many!

playlist: dedicated to musiq soulchild because he is beyond words amazing.

" Good and evil both increase at a compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. And apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible" - C.S. Lewis

..
oh man C.S. Lewis is one heckkkk of a writer,
those lines really stood out to me today while i was reading his book.
had to make an entry on it.
can't agree more with what he's written.. and a great reminder to how much our everylittle action matters.

sunnydays :)

what a blessing it has been these past couple of days with this awesome weather!! BBQS, beach, patios, diners, drinks... the living feels easyyyy hahaha.

i've been delaying to write on my blog these days ...i don't know what to talk about on here anymore LOL..
but tonight even though i'm super tired (because i don't sleep this late anymore)...i've decided to write about the things i'm reading during my QT...
reading a book called Mere Christianity By C.S. Lewis.. tonight's chapter was on Forgiveness. Lewis points out how we as Christians must "love people who have nothing lovable about them"..especially our enemies..those who have hurt us, betrayed us, backstabbed us..so on and so forth...basically 'hate a bad man's actions, but not hate the man". after reading that chapter i felt like ..my life is pretty smooth sailing right now ..but there are little things here and there that get to me because with my relations with certain people aren't at peace. hmm... definitely should pray about this.

Luke 7: 47 Jesus says, 'i tell you, her sins- and they are many-have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. but a person who is forgiven little shows only little love".
...
chyeaaa we can't be forgiven by Him unless we forgive the ppl around us.......

ps - playlist is more dedication to some r&b music. i just.cant.stop. crazy addicted.

taken back time.

tonight i had diner with a friend whom i haven't exchanged a single word with for 4 years. he used to be one of my best friends that i use to see every single day in high school. our conversation started out as something like, "why did we stop talking to each other?"...from then on for 3 hours straight we were just sharing about each others lives...past and present since the last time we've talked. it amazes me how we can talk to each other the way we do after all these years. i really wish i was one of those people who can carry out a conversation with anyone and click more easily with people. it's not that i'm selective with who i get close to but i only feel comfortable around certain people...it's like no matter how hard i try there are people that i just can't talk to. anyways i can honestly say that time hasn't changed anything between us...and time can change a lot of things, i feel really blessed to have had this opportunity to just catch up with you tonight.

*ps - playlist dedicated to Maxwell because he is so incredible.. i saw this coming for myself.. those tracks are most likely my top 5... including Pretty Wings but Ive had that song in another playlist so i didn't put that in =P

after a very busy past couple of weeks after exams..
i finally have some time to myself ..just at home..working on my voice for a good 2 hrs straight..watching lots of korean dramas (what my playlist was inspired by LOL).. digging into the Word of God. i've been putting in a lot of effort to meet up with old friends that i haven't seen in awhile ..and it's been totally awesome catching up! last week was craaazy with all these job interviews ..running across the city from downtown toronto to all the way east in scarborough...although unfortunately I AM STILL JOBLESS >=(...
as much as i love being around people and hate being at home sometimes... i think i'm definitely an introvert..because without days like today ..i tend to go a little insane.
......
...
..
.

i wrote a really long blog post 2 nights ago and didn't end up publishing it because i wasn't sure if it was safe too write something about my dating life... even though i only have 6 followers hahaha and i dont' even know if the 6 come to my page regularly..but anyhow, this post is pretty much an entry with no substance

*'humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible". Matthew 19: 26

Donethirdyear=)

Just finished my last exam of the year! haha which gave me the time to make my layout a little more prettier aka more ME..being the girllyyyy girl i am. But clearly i have no web desgining talent and this is the best i can do -_-;;;. This year's been crazy. Met a lot of new people and built many new friendships. Learned a lot about myself by being thrown into places and situations that i wasn't familiar with..especially without my security blankets (close group of girls that i used to identify myself with, a significant other, drinking&partying 24/7). I think it's an interesting question to ask yourself..like who are you deep inside without relating to your friends,family,school,work etc... who are you between just you and God if you were to loose all of what was surrounding you? i don't have all the answers for myself yet either but i think i'm walking on the right track.

this summer is going to be about :getting a job and maintaining it, volunteering, serving church&fellowship&continuegrowing spiritually,working hard on my voice&piano skills and spending time with family, workingoutakalooseweight.

my playlist theme is YOUTUBE UNDERGROUND ARTISTS. All the musicians on that list write their own stuff..all though some of the songs they sang up there are covers. i'm so inspired by asians and especially koreans who are so loaded with talent and not full of bullshit like 98% of the 'singers' in korean entertainment. Esna and Lydia are one of my all time fav korean singers representin' us! their voices are so distinctive and urban <3. KANGEL is a friend of mine named michelle choi..and i'm just putting it out there cause as you can see she's INCREDIBLY talented ..reppin' KOREANS,TORONTO and FEMALE RAPPERS (like you guys don't know how hard it is to find this even in a hip hop community..1 in a million chance!..
these girls are so inspiring.