my world it moves so fast today
the past it seems so far away
- Lauryn Hill
what in the world? how is my fall semester already finished?! i can't believe i'm half way done my 4th year. With all the frustrations, deadlines, panic attacks, and time consumption from the seven courses that i endured this semester ...at the end of the day i'm really going to miss them!! i can honestly walk away and say that I'VE DONE MY BEST..even if i don't get my derserving A lol. i don't think i could have ever said that about my other unviserity years. i've met such awesome people in my music program this year.. God has revealed and blessed me a lot through them. One thing i know for sure, i neeeed to get out of the little circle of the korean community. especially get connected with nonkorean musicians. boy, they are something different.
playlist- the ultimate R&B and FUNK classics. It disgusts me to know that the younger kids of this generation will probably consider someone like bruno mars or lady gaga or who ever else has a teeny bit more talent than miley cyrus as something special when the real artists who revolutionized what we hear today all belong to the past. i shudder when i listen to the radio or watch tv
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
cold october.
"does it seem colder in your summertime and hotter in your fall?" -Eryka Badu
the weather is indeed..completely WHACK in the city of Toronto right now. wearing my parka out at this time of the year.. i remember exactly a year ago when i went out to party for halloween in a really short skirt and blazer....i was completely fine. the crisp weather isn't bringing me down though! for once in my life i've been really embracing the chilly weather this year. i think the change is not just my surroundings but my own perspective that God has opened up. midterms had just come to an end for me this past thursday... but i have this great desire to keep on pushing hard with my school work. last night while everyone went out to go drink i was with one of my close friends studying.. and she burst out laughing saying ,"WHAT?!?! this assignment you're working on is due NOV 15?!!". honestly even as i write this blog entry i'm thinking about playing the piano, practicing singing, working on my song, and school assignments subconsciously.
...anyways. right now i am reading 1 Corinthians for my QT. i've been really enjoying this book and the one before it which was the book of Romans.
1 Corinthians 4:12-13
" We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us. We respond gently when evil things are said about us."
it's so easy to love people who love us already. Scripture says loving and giving to people who already love you is not a very hard accomplishment..even the taxcollectors did that. It's about learning to love people who have the uttermost horrible view or opinion of you, who talk shit about you, who have backstabbed you, who won't accept you..so on and so forth. From my personal experiences, there's nothing more that hurt me more than when relationships with people get wrecked. sometimes we won't get into the school or grad program we worked our asses for. sometimes family businesses will go crashing down. but there's nothing like having conflicts or problems with people. probably why God put our second most important commandmant as "love your neighbors as yourself" as in not just people who already love you..but those that don't like you vice versa. (ps- this is just a personal QT reflection i wanted to share..i'm not trying to preach anyone!)
i think in the midest of this crazy year with school + grad school applications, serving at church, etc. i feel very much at peace because God has gracefully given me that peace. but it took hell of a long process to get here trust me. i only hope that whatever temptation comes in my way to rock this inner peace, i will make the right decision that God desires towards anyone and anything.
*playlist- more R&B and Gospel music (my new obsession)
the weather is indeed..completely WHACK in the city of Toronto right now. wearing my parka out at this time of the year.. i remember exactly a year ago when i went out to party for halloween in a really short skirt and blazer....i was completely fine. the crisp weather isn't bringing me down though! for once in my life i've been really embracing the chilly weather this year. i think the change is not just my surroundings but my own perspective that God has opened up. midterms had just come to an end for me this past thursday... but i have this great desire to keep on pushing hard with my school work. last night while everyone went out to go drink i was with one of my close friends studying.. and she burst out laughing saying ,"WHAT?!?! this assignment you're working on is due NOV 15?!!". honestly even as i write this blog entry i'm thinking about playing the piano, practicing singing, working on my song, and school assignments subconsciously.
...anyways. right now i am reading 1 Corinthians for my QT. i've been really enjoying this book and the one before it which was the book of Romans.
1 Corinthians 4:12-13
" We bless those who curse us. We are patient with those who abuse us. We respond gently when evil things are said about us."
it's so easy to love people who love us already. Scripture says loving and giving to people who already love you is not a very hard accomplishment..even the taxcollectors did that. It's about learning to love people who have the uttermost horrible view or opinion of you, who talk shit about you, who have backstabbed you, who won't accept you..so on and so forth. From my personal experiences, there's nothing more that hurt me more than when relationships with people get wrecked. sometimes we won't get into the school or grad program we worked our asses for. sometimes family businesses will go crashing down. but there's nothing like having conflicts or problems with people. probably why God put our second most important commandmant as "love your neighbors as yourself" as in not just people who already love you..but those that don't like you vice versa. (ps- this is just a personal QT reflection i wanted to share..i'm not trying to preach anyone!)
i think in the midest of this crazy year with school + grad school applications, serving at church, etc. i feel very much at peace because God has gracefully given me that peace. but it took hell of a long process to get here trust me. i only hope that whatever temptation comes in my way to rock this inner peace, i will make the right decision that God desires towards anyone and anything.
*playlist- more R&B and Gospel music (my new obsession)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
powerful.
if i had to describe 4th year with one word..it would be crazy.
i can't explain what i've been experiencing these past few weeks.
but i just want to say that God is good. He is simply so good.
he's been teaching me a lot about dicipline, faith, love, passion, and commitment.
Admist of all these things i believe he's really been giving me clear visions of what kind of daughter in Christ he wants me to be. Thank you Lord for your guidance. Let me fear absolutely nothing but you Father.
---i just wanted to share quickly how amazing it was singing with the York University Gospel Choir today. i got really emotional on stage and during my time at Knox Presybetarian Church. Tonight was a worship night there and at the church were many different ethnicities and various types of music presented to us. But they were all there to praise our one God. Seeing all these multicultural groups come together to simpy worship God was definitely an eye opener for me. Made me grasp the sense of truth that our God is so damn real. From Korean to Chinese to Jamaican to Armanian to Canadian.. you name it.. i witnessed so many choirs from different churches tonight. i feel so honoured and blessed to have been part of it.
"playlist - i think r&b and korean ballads pretty much define who i am...some tracks i've been OBSESSED with lately are the first 4 songs. the last song "How excellent" was one of the songs i performed with my gospel choir tonight. doesn't do justice to a live choir. trust me.
i can't explain what i've been experiencing these past few weeks.
but i just want to say that God is good. He is simply so good.
he's been teaching me a lot about dicipline, faith, love, passion, and commitment.
Admist of all these things i believe he's really been giving me clear visions of what kind of daughter in Christ he wants me to be. Thank you Lord for your guidance. Let me fear absolutely nothing but you Father.
---i just wanted to share quickly how amazing it was singing with the York University Gospel Choir today. i got really emotional on stage and during my time at Knox Presybetarian Church. Tonight was a worship night there and at the church were many different ethnicities and various types of music presented to us. But they were all there to praise our one God. Seeing all these multicultural groups come together to simpy worship God was definitely an eye opener for me. Made me grasp the sense of truth that our God is so damn real. From Korean to Chinese to Jamaican to Armanian to Canadian.. you name it.. i witnessed so many choirs from different churches tonight. i feel so honoured and blessed to have been part of it.
"playlist - i think r&b and korean ballads pretty much define who i am...some tracks i've been OBSESSED with lately are the first 4 songs. the last song "How excellent" was one of the songs i performed with my gospel choir tonight. doesn't do justice to a live choir. trust me.
Monday, August 30, 2010
newEndingsnewBeginnings.
can't believe this summer is coming to an end in 2 weeks.
this summer ... i don't know.. i can't really sum up in words what this summer was all about.
but some of the things i did were, go to a cottage x2, beach, many many dt patios, drive-in movie, do a photoshoot, met up with friends i haven't seen in a decade, one retarded night of getting drunk out of my ass, went on dates, went to brampton to see pro baseball players (better than watching the jays game, which i did this summer too because i actually knew a guy on the team we went to go see!)...
ya anyways... lets get down to the more intimate stuff.
this summer i felt like God was trying to emphasize the importance of alot of things ..like dicipline, obedience, faith, but most importantly love. it's come to a point where i don't have to remind myself to do QT anymore. but the challenge in that was that i tended to just read the bible and not dig into the scripture because it became such a routine. the book of Philippians is helping me really take heart of what scripture is and i end up reading one chapter like 3 times because God's message in every verse holds such significance..and i don't wanna forget it. serving in the youth and EM worship team was a challenge at one point this summer and i started to slack off. but a good wake up call made me realize ..this isn't for me, this is for Him. making a commitment to this team has been one of the biggest blessings for me spiritually and musically.
from the many things i've experienced this summer...i think i'm incredibly thankful for where my relationships have come. i've reached places i thought i could never go with my parents, close friends, and those whom i didn't even consider friends.
after 4 weeks of hard struggle on the piano....i've 'composed' a couple of unfinished piano compositions.. but today i wrote my first song. i am excited to put this song together with chords tomorrow..and let people hear it so i can get some feedback. i feel a little more relieved. but still deathly frightened about all this grad school nonsense.
*playlist- past couple of weeks i've been really inspired by those five tracks while i was in the process of improvising and composing songs. i want to make music like that. music that can touch your unconsciousness and bring you to an emotional place where you can be real with yourself. and God.
"in everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you." - Philippians 2:14-15
this summer ... i don't know.. i can't really sum up in words what this summer was all about.
but some of the things i did were, go to a cottage x2, beach, many many dt patios, drive-in movie, do a photoshoot, met up with friends i haven't seen in a decade, one retarded night of getting drunk out of my ass, went on dates, went to brampton to see pro baseball players (better than watching the jays game, which i did this summer too because i actually knew a guy on the team we went to go see!)...
ya anyways... lets get down to the more intimate stuff.
this summer i felt like God was trying to emphasize the importance of alot of things ..like dicipline, obedience, faith, but most importantly love. it's come to a point where i don't have to remind myself to do QT anymore. but the challenge in that was that i tended to just read the bible and not dig into the scripture because it became such a routine. the book of Philippians is helping me really take heart of what scripture is and i end up reading one chapter like 3 times because God's message in every verse holds such significance..and i don't wanna forget it. serving in the youth and EM worship team was a challenge at one point this summer and i started to slack off. but a good wake up call made me realize ..this isn't for me, this is for Him. making a commitment to this team has been one of the biggest blessings for me spiritually and musically.
from the many things i've experienced this summer...i think i'm incredibly thankful for where my relationships have come. i've reached places i thought i could never go with my parents, close friends, and those whom i didn't even consider friends.
after 4 weeks of hard struggle on the piano....i've 'composed' a couple of unfinished piano compositions.. but today i wrote my first song. i am excited to put this song together with chords tomorrow..and let people hear it so i can get some feedback. i feel a little more relieved. but still deathly frightened about all this grad school nonsense.
*playlist- past couple of weeks i've been really inspired by those five tracks while i was in the process of improvising and composing songs. i want to make music like that. music that can touch your unconsciousness and bring you to an emotional place where you can be real with yourself. and God.
"in everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you." - Philippians 2:14-15
Thursday, August 5, 2010
direction.
as i've began my very first 'composition'..
playing around with chords, intervals, melodies, and inversions on the piano...
my improvisation is slowwwwwwwwly but surely turning into a structured song.
a song that i can reclaim of my own. i never thought that i had the ability to do this, But God has truly brought me to places beyond my imagination with music.
i've been reading research papers from the grad school i plan on applying to.. reading findings from their on site campus clinics. one of the research papers said this,
"when one has connection with their own repetoire, they can connect with others in a deeper level'
the more i learn about this grad program. i grow more interest and passion for it. i can see why God has chosen this unexpected direction for me. Praise the Lord!
*playlist- dedicated to Christina Aguilera...because i forgot how amazing she was. Her new single 'You Lost Me' totally touched me on an emotional level that i just don't get from radio music these days. ended up downloading exactly 21 songs from Christina's old and new albums. it was definitely difficult to cut it down to such a short amount for the playlist!
playing around with chords, intervals, melodies, and inversions on the piano...
my improvisation is slowwwwwwwwly but surely turning into a structured song.
a song that i can reclaim of my own. i never thought that i had the ability to do this, But God has truly brought me to places beyond my imagination with music.
i've been reading research papers from the grad school i plan on applying to.. reading findings from their on site campus clinics. one of the research papers said this,
"when one has connection with their own repetoire, they can connect with others in a deeper level'
the more i learn about this grad program. i grow more interest and passion for it. i can see why God has chosen this unexpected direction for me. Praise the Lord!
*playlist- dedicated to Christina Aguilera...because i forgot how amazing she was. Her new single 'You Lost Me' totally touched me on an emotional level that i just don't get from radio music these days. ended up downloading exactly 21 songs from Christina's old and new albums. it was definitely difficult to cut it down to such a short amount for the playlist!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Faith.
"faith is not belief without proof, but trusting in Him and already knowing."
this will be one blunt post that might make me look like a straight up bitch.
some people I just can't seem to stand seriously. their actions, character, personality, beliefs, past relations with them..or whatever it is will make me cringe inside being around them. especially if i've never had a personal depth of closeness with you.. cutting you out...or bumping you from 'friend' to 'acquaintance' is not big deal. i've had ALOT of people come in and out of my life.
that was my mentality...
until someone i couldn't stand for years totally caught me off gaurd today. they gave me a small but worthy sign of appreciation. and i was ever so greatful.
all this time i've been praying to God saying something along the lines of.... i have faith that everything will turn out right through You. yet i had absolutely no Faith in people that simply annoyed me. how did i ever expect for people to recognize my changes and mistakes and have compassion towards it .. when i don't give them the equal opportunity?
He has totally humbled me down tonight.
this will be one blunt post that might make me look like a straight up bitch.
some people I just can't seem to stand seriously. their actions, character, personality, beliefs, past relations with them..or whatever it is will make me cringe inside being around them. especially if i've never had a personal depth of closeness with you.. cutting you out...or bumping you from 'friend' to 'acquaintance' is not big deal. i've had ALOT of people come in and out of my life.
that was my mentality...
until someone i couldn't stand for years totally caught me off gaurd today. they gave me a small but worthy sign of appreciation. and i was ever so greatful.
all this time i've been praying to God saying something along the lines of.... i have faith that everything will turn out right through You. yet i had absolutely no Faith in people that simply annoyed me. how did i ever expect for people to recognize my changes and mistakes and have compassion towards it .. when i don't give them the equal opportunity?
He has totally humbled me down tonight.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
midjulycrisis.
past couple of weeks have been really frustrating. i'm singing songs repetitively over and over again trying to hit those notes that seem impossible to reach. i dread going to the piano to practice repetoire that daunt me. i feel like i'm improving 0%. when did my passion become such a chore? i'm starting to get terrified as each discouraging practice session at home passes by and i'm only getting closer to my grad school applications, audition, and deadlines. yes, in the midest of my mid-july-crisis.. i went to small group today and i was awakened. awakened by the fact that i wasn't alone in feeling lost and concerned about my future. that i'm not alone on this journey. thanks girls, you guys are awesome! i'm beginning to get a glimpse of why God desires unity and fellowship within his children. it's been a huge blessing coming into this small group in many ways. but i love particularly how each of our members are so different in personality and character.. but they all embody strong opinions, respect, the brains, that..."nuh-uh i don't tolerate BS" right amount of attitude, and of course love for Christ...i feel like each week our discussions are never boring :)
QT** it's been a long sauga since april.. but i've managed to finish Mathew,Mark, Luke, John and finally on Acts! i mean i know how significant the Passover weekend is to us. But reading it in different versions four times consecutively was a challenge but indeed meaningful and informative! excited to see what His Word will reveal to me in the book of Acts.
playlist- obsessed with this korean drama right now called Bad Guy ('nabbun namja')..all the music is from the official soundtrack.. i particularly loveee the first song on that list.
QT** it's been a long sauga since april.. but i've managed to finish Mathew,Mark, Luke, John and finally on Acts! i mean i know how significant the Passover weekend is to us. But reading it in different versions four times consecutively was a challenge but indeed meaningful and informative! excited to see what His Word will reveal to me in the book of Acts.
playlist- obsessed with this korean drama right now called Bad Guy ('nabbun namja')..all the music is from the official soundtrack.. i particularly loveee the first song on that list.
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